"My First Week at Amritapuri"
Om namah shivaya! I have come for my first time to Amritapuri. The day I arrived Amma hugged 27,000 people. That was a regular Sunday for her, giving darshan from 10am to 3am. I fell asleep before my turn came.
My first hug was on Tuesday. That day she wasn't giving public darshan but she was hugging new comers. I was lucky that the queue was very short so it felt quite intimate. As I knelt in front of Amma she carried on a long and animated conversation with the man next to me. She rested her foot on my leg and her arms were waving around quickly in front of my body, sometimes touching me, as she gestured to the man. I was able to kneel there and gaze at her, all the while believing that this was all part of my darshan. I was thankful to be there for so long and I felt graced.
The next day Amma held a public darshan and I sat for hours on stage beside her watching her emanate love. Just watching her was a blissful process and I felt myself feeling waves of adoration for her. She is so beautiful and so amazing. Her every movement and touch is whole hearted. As I sat there I felt very strongly that Amma is with us every moment, that she knows our every thought and that she loves each and every one of us immensely.
Before I came to India I was wondering whether I would like to become a renunciate and live at the Ashram. I wondered what Amma's will for me is. So when I went for darshan this night I took a written question with me: "does Amma want me to become a renunciate and live at her ashram?". When I got towards the front of the darshan queue I was told by one of Amma's assistants that Amma was not taking questions that night. So I put my question away and went up for my hug. Into my ear Amma whispered "daughter, no no no no no no no" and then She gave me a big smile. There was the answer to my question!
On Fridays Amma holds Satsang in the temple and many people hand up questions for4 Amma which she then sometimes answers for the group. I handed up my question "what's the best way to try to see God in everyone?" and it was the only question she answered that day! After the Satsang I stepped outside the temple and Amma gave me an experience of seeing God in everyone. As people walked past me I saw clearly that we are all the same, all one, all light and love. After some time my ego crept in and the experience was over. I look back on it now as a small miracle and an example of what only grace can give us in the end. Amma has given me a glimpse of the goal.
I find it very easy to watch my thoughts here. Amma says that being with her is like pouring clear water into muddy water and all the sediment at the bottom is disturbed. I have experienced this also - finding myself wading through the murky water of my ego just when I thought everything was going so well!
So these are some highlights of my first week here. Life at Amritapuri has the flavour of celebration while Amma is around. There is dancing and singing and smiling. We've had India's independence day celebrations and Krishna's birthday and Amma just goes on and on and on.
Blessings to you all,
Love Linda.
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